Five-minute rendezvouz

Heard about a two-minute man? Well, I here's the story of a date I once had in Puerto Vallarta which pretty much lasted about that long...but not for the reason you think. Hehehe. 

It was to be a short private dance or, as it's called in Mexico, un privado. Just a strip dance…nothing much more than that.  We agreed to meet discreetly at a specified time and he was to ensure the other people sharing the room were away.

Hello! There I am butt naked with ¼ of dick in his mouth

I was on time, he was on time, and we made it up to the hotel room very casually, very discreetly. We even laughed about it. I noticed he did not bolt the inside lock but said nothing. If that makes him feel more comfortable, more “safe“ then cool by me. Everything was going great. In no time I was standing there in all my fine nakedness with a hard hard-on. There was lots of touching and sucking and the boy (early 20‘s) wasted no time getting down to it. 

He sat near the edge of the bed and I stood over him sensuously grinding his mouth (the little lips couldn’t open wide enough to take much more than the head). Just so happens the wall and dresser mirrors were positioned perfectly and I got to watch me front and back…which never fails to turn me on.

I stood over him sensuously grinding his mouth full of head

Behold! The door opens and who should be standing on the threshold with mouths open and eyes popping but his buddies. Hello! There I am butt naked with ¼ of dick in his mouth. I stood there smiling at the two while the boy flew backwards from shame. He cursed his friend for 1) coming back early and 2) gawking with pleasure. The rude bastard, or as they say in Spanish, cabron, stood with the door open for a good half minute ogling us before he went away giggling. Que cabron!

Personally I wasn’t put off at all but the kid - whew! - he was mortified and, besides strangling his friend,  wanted nothing more than having the night deleted as graciously as possible. And who can blame him! 

BUT I can blame him for not trusting me enough to lock the door from the inside. That little prejudice cost him many years of embarrassment to come because you know homosexuals: they just looooove to talk mess and his fat idiot friend is going to be talking his ass off for years and years and years :)

Fastest pay-day I ever had; and that's g-r-r-reat! 

Cunt tits and decoy tits

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I exercise on the beach instead of in a gym these days. One day I walk over to this fiiiine brown skin hourglass in the type of two-piece bikini you only see in the window displays down here (sorry, but Mexican chicks tend to be on the sloppy chunky side). This tourist, though, had hips and high titties. So I complimented her on her bathing suit and...she just stared at me...like I was taking up her breathing space. "Oh," I said, "don't worry I'm not hitting on you. You're not my type. I prefer women with big titties. But I do believe in giving a compliment where it's due...and that is a nice bathing suit. Ciao."

What.A.Cunt.

The following day I'm sitting on the sand after a swim when a leggy, busty thing strolls past in a floppy sun hat---and keeps making eye-contact. I look behind me. Me? I'm wondering. Her clevage could be spotted from three blocks away! So I puff up the chest and trot after her. She was tall so that as we stood toe-to-toe my head - glory be! - came to the titties. As I looked up to make eye contact a red flag went off: THIS WAS NO WOMAN. Fuck me. Fuck me. And the hands were rather big, too. 

What.A.Phony cunt wannabe.

Arrggh!

SEX FROM THE BEACH (Deus ex machina)

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Continued from “Exxxstasy”:

The booty call that rescued my dick from my insatiable good fuck buddy was from a girl I was talking to on the beach before my friend showed up. I gave her my number but, y’know, that means squat - no, less than squat - and I certainly didn’t expect to hear anything back so I surprised to get the back-to-back text msgs. Guess I didn’t respond fast enough - if only she knew! - because then she called.

Her pussy suddenly felt like a boy’s mouth

Imagine that, an actual phone call! After being on Gayromeo for a year I was a little startled by a live call instead of fielding (and blocking) endless text msgs (across the Pond they call them SMS which probably should stand for “some more shit”).

Not down with the whole sex-in-public-places fetish. But as a self-respecting man I could not pass up on getting laid

She met me outside of Plaza Coracol and we walked back to her place only her roommate was home and we couldn’t actually go into her place. I’m thinking, Then why the fuck did you call--? But I didn’t have to think for long. “We can do it down here,” she suggested. Outside?…neighbors?! “Sí, sí, no one can see us over there,” and she led me around the corner to an unfinished concrete terrace. There was only one apartment on this side of the building and its lights were on; I was horny, yes, but feeling…hesitant. Not down with the whole sex-in-public-places fetish. Unless I’m putting on a sex show. Hello! But as a self-respecting man I could not pass up on getting laid just because we had to do it outside.

We fucked doggy-style on the concrete next to the garbage cans - urban nature! - and it was probably appropriate since the bitch didn’t blow me. But, oomph, was she wet. Several things are whispering in the back of my mind: What if someone comes…what if the curtains move…maybe some jerk is capturing this on camera phone…why wasn’t garbage pick-up yesterday???? My tired dick got its fourth wind real quick…no thanks to her non blow-job. We were like dogs humping in the alley. She came without announcing it save for the quivering spasms of her body. Her pussy suddenly felt like a boy’s mouth. Omg, does that make me a fag?! Me? I didn’t bother with trying to cum and it was a good thing, too. No sooner had I tossed the condom and we straightened ourselves out did a man round the corner. He halted, visibly startled to see people. “Buenas noches,” we all exchanged and I made a show of having forgotten my cigarettes.

Whew! Good thing he caught us on our feet.