Five-minute rendezvouz

Heard about a two-minute man? Well, I here's the story of a date I once had in Puerto Vallarta which pretty much lasted about that long...but not for the reason you think. Hehehe. 

It was to be a short private dance or, as it's called in Mexico, un privado. Just a strip dance…nothing much more than that.  We agreed to meet discreetly at a specified time and he was to ensure the other people sharing the room were away.

Hello! There I am butt naked with ¼ of dick in his mouth

I was on time, he was on time, and we made it up to the hotel room very casually, very discreetly. We even laughed about it. I noticed he did not bolt the inside lock but said nothing. If that makes him feel more comfortable, more “safe“ then cool by me. Everything was going great. In no time I was standing there in all my fine nakedness with a hard hard-on. There was lots of touching and sucking and the boy (early 20‘s) wasted no time getting down to it. 

He sat near the edge of the bed and I stood over him sensuously grinding his mouth (the little lips couldn’t open wide enough to take much more than the head). Just so happens the wall and dresser mirrors were positioned perfectly and I got to watch me front and back…which never fails to turn me on.

I stood over him sensuously grinding his mouth full of head

Behold! The door opens and who should be standing on the threshold with mouths open and eyes popping but his buddies. Hello! There I am butt naked with ¼ of dick in his mouth. I stood there smiling at the two while the boy flew backwards from shame. He cursed his friend for 1) coming back early and 2) gawking with pleasure. The rude bastard, or as they say in Spanish, cabron, stood with the door open for a good half minute ogling us before he went away giggling. Que cabron!

Personally I wasn’t put off at all but the kid - whew! - he was mortified and, besides strangling his friend,  wanted nothing more than having the night deleted as graciously as possible. And who can blame him! 

BUT I can blame him for not trusting me enough to lock the door from the inside. That little prejudice cost him many years of embarrassment to come because you know homosexuals: they just looooove to talk mess and his fat idiot friend is going to be talking his ass off for years and years and years :)

Fastest pay-day I ever had; and that's g-r-r-reat! 

Club Manana bit the dust! (VALLARTA)

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Manana Club done gone! My, my, my how the mighty have fallen. Club owner Peter Deep ran Gayallarta -- for years. He used to be the big shit about town. The line to get in to his disco always snaked down the block.

Then the glitter ball crashed, his business slumped, the strippers and hustlers slithered off, and for a whole year or so he slumped through town like a despised pariah. The king of the queens was hated! No one would even have coffee with him in public. 

The king of the queens was hated!

Now the mighty club is but a hole in the ground. And all the fags and all the hustlers and all the meth heads twirl somewhere else.  Hahahahahaha.

Goodnight Manana...and good riddance

Antropology sucks

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The bar touts itself as a place "where classy meets fun" but there is nothing classy about how it is run. The strippers are treated like shit and given as much thought as one gives to the crap he just dumped in the toilet -- zero...save for flushing it away.

Strippers are not paid any wages yet are required to work nightly AND forbidden to ever dance in any other venue.

Read more: Don't Go To Canuckistan; ó Rick Steves Blows: Antropology Bar is not classy or fun (Puerto Vallarta)

 

A dream come true

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I once woke up next to a fellow go-go boy humping the bed in his sleep. I watched him for a while, thinking he was kidding around but, no, he was sound asleep! Since it looked like he was dreaming of something in particular I made a point of making that dream come true....

humping the sheets...is invitation enough for me!

So I scootched down and started caressing my tongue around his smooth, brown cheeks, smelling the freshness of un-fragranced skin, and then ran it through the ass crack over and over again until, at last, the boy began to stir awake and moan. I circled my tongue round the asshole more aggressively now, working him to arch that ass in the air and brace himself for a good-morning fucking.

By now his little pucker was all wet and shiny with saliva -- and breathing. I knew he was ready for dick! I straddled his booty and worked my head inside - a sweet sounding "Awe" eked from him - and drilled his little hole nice and slow, nice and slow...feeling the grip around my dick. We fucked for a good amount of time that morning amid muffled moans and, goddamn, did it feel good. His backside was wet with my sweat -- and, soon enough, my sticky cum.    

Poppers come, poppers go

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I went into the boutique to buy a bottle of poppers, not really taking notice of the guy who was chatting up the clerk. I was in and out in under twelve minutes and noticed the guy loitering outside the store. By didn't really take notice I mean I didn't make eye contact with him but my radar did slyly observe how well those jeans fitted his little ass. So...fuckable apple bottom just 'hanging around' outside, me with a fresh bottle of poppers and a super sensitive hard-on owing to unrequited hornyness for the past 96 hours?  (I masturbated constantly but always stopped short of orgasm..so, yeah, I was really pent up.)

Perfect equation for casual sex! Plus it was a Friday.
Talk was brief: My place or yours? and Can you suck dick?

His place had his visiting madre and my place had a mess (I was preparing to move). To my place! Mi cama es tu cama and tu culo es mi culo! My bed is your bed and your ass is mine! And it was. I was soooo raging sexual it wasn't even funny. We engaged in crazy passionate oral for an immensely enjoyable while, sucking and ass licking and French kissing (it's rare but I have sometimes kissed). I tore at him like a sex starved fiend. (I'd been given a hokey sex pill - like Viagra but not Viagra - that proved not to be so hokey. Six days running and the stimulant was still coursing in my system. Damn, I wish I knew the name of that pill!) My sex tool throbbed to be satisfied. His fellatio was wet and succulent. What his throat lacked in gag reflex - couldn't take all of me - his mouth made up for with sloppery earnest suction. 

Mi cama es tu cama and tu culo es mi culo!... I tore at him like a sex starved fiend

I was prepping with Jack Daniel whiskey mixes and he was prepping with the poppers. Then - voila - my dick was finally inside. For most of the night, and it was a long night, I fucked him like a woman: with easy, 'love-making' strokes. When I edged it up a few notches the ruthless pounding caused him to drop the vial --spilling the entire contents onto the mattress. Fuck! My new poppers...gone! It wasn't long then before he was complaining about a sore ass. Too bad. Served him right. I plowed ahead. Then my quads started to burn and I made him ride me, as I wrapped around spreading his ass cheeks, until I felt certain his fuzzy apple bottom really did need a rest.  

It was fun. I blew a big load. He did too but I didn't notice it until I woke up in the middle of the night and felt his dried cum on my stomach. I took advantage of him a little more - mainly oral - and went back to sleep. In the morning we started touching some more but his booty was still tender so, instead, he took the iniative and went down on me, welcoming my new day with one of those wonderful good-morning blowjobs until I blew my load again.

caused him to drop the vial --spilling the entire contents onto the mattress. Fuck!

I'm out of poppers but, man, gotta love morning blowjobs.

Stolen laptop

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My apartment was busted by a burglar and the piece of shit made off with my computer, cell phones, and cash. He left behind, though, my identification stuff, cock rings, and Hermes "toilet water".... But my computer! with all those racy, saucy, nasty, pornographic pics and videos ---of me!

Gone.

So if you suddenly see lots of me on youtube or facebook or myspace or any other nosey, gossipy ass "networking" site, just know you're not 'talking' with me. Aye, aye, aye....

Mexican chicks want me for one thing

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In Mexico, the Mexican females want for me only one thing: posing for a picture.

Not a date, not a dance, nor a kiss let alone a fuck. No, they just want to stand next to my black ass so they can giggle and show everybody they actually saw "one of the them" and, look, here's the proof! Like I'm a zoo animal or Tranny Gaga sideshow. 

They literally run over with camera(phone) in hand and start sidling up against me, telling their friend to snap the picture. And to say no to the request is to cause them to whine or, worse, start an argument. Not all expressions of attention are always desired. The camera bullshit is not flattering (anymore) - it's annoying - and never loses its luster of disrespect and degradation. 

The Latinas all say they like black skin but damn if they'll ever follow through...they are much too, oh, "traditional" and "conservative" for that. Switch the face from an ignorant brown Mexican to a white gringo and, what d'ya know, no person from the civilized world mistakes those racist euphemisms. I started to handle the requests/demands like this: Why, because I'm a black man? To which they always smiled, Yes! Well, I'd say, black people are not here for your amusement, and then just look at their stupid expression in silence. 'Nuff said. Adios.

Dominik Rider passed through...un-noticed (Vallarta)

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Porn star Dominik Rider, with his power bubbly bubble butt, was here last week. I saw the enticing posters around town but if I saw him I surely didn't notice. From what I heard he was not outstanding to look at, though. Gasp! And I was so hoping to bump into that short bottom, too. Just goes to show: pictures can deceive.

Similar (non)sighting: Collin O'Neal 

Collin O'Neal passed through...un-noticed (Vallarta)

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Porn star Collin O'Neal was here last week. I saw the posters around town but if I saw him I surely didn't notice. He is so...ordinary and, well, average-looking.

(And the event promoter confessed he was a bit prickish, too).  

Cunt tits and decoy tits

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I exercise on the beach instead of in a gym these days. One day I walk over to this fiiiine brown skin hourglass in the type of two-piece bikini you only see in the window displays down here (sorry, but Mexican chicks tend to be on the sloppy chunky side). This tourist, though, had hips and high titties. So I complimented her on her bathing suit and...she just stared at me...like I was taking up her breathing space. "Oh," I said, "don't worry I'm not hitting on you. You're not my type. I prefer women with big titties. But I do believe in giving a compliment where it's due...and that is a nice bathing suit. Ciao."

What.A.Cunt.

The following day I'm sitting on the sand after a swim when a leggy, busty thing strolls past in a floppy sun hat---and keeps making eye-contact. I look behind me. Me? I'm wondering. Her clevage could be spotted from three blocks away! So I puff up the chest and trot after her. She was tall so that as we stood toe-to-toe my head - glory be! - came to the titties. As I looked up to make eye contact a red flag went off: THIS WAS NO WOMAN. Fuck me. Fuck me. And the hands were rather big, too. 

What.A.Phony cunt wannabe.

Arrggh!

WET & WILD

s

Who's that sexy back at the end??

Order online via here and be sure to enter code *1504troy in memo box  

Peter Deep and Club Mañana suck! (pto vallarta)

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On the Mexican beach (video)

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This is me on the beach in Puerto Vallarta. The retard screaming in the background ("Now I see you! Now I see you!") is happy because he finally figured out to just press the Start button.

SEX FROM THE BEACH (Deus ex machina)

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Continued from “Exxxstasy”:

The booty call that rescued my dick from my insatiable good fuck buddy was from a girl I was talking to on the beach before my friend showed up. I gave her my number but, y’know, that means squat - no, less than squat - and I certainly didn’t expect to hear anything back so I surprised to get the back-to-back text msgs. Guess I didn’t respond fast enough - if only she knew! - because then she called.

Her pussy suddenly felt like a boy’s mouth

Imagine that, an actual phone call! After being on Gayromeo for a year I was a little startled by a live call instead of fielding (and blocking) endless text msgs (across the Pond they call them SMS which probably should stand for “some more shit”).

Not down with the whole sex-in-public-places fetish. But as a self-respecting man I could not pass up on getting laid

She met me outside of Plaza Coracol and we walked back to her place only her roommate was home and we couldn’t actually go into her place. I’m thinking, Then why the fuck did you call--? But I didn’t have to think for long. “We can do it down here,” she suggested. Outside?…neighbors?! “Sí, sí, no one can see us over there,” and she led me around the corner to an unfinished concrete terrace. There was only one apartment on this side of the building and its lights were on; I was horny, yes, but feeling…hesitant. Not down with the whole sex-in-public-places fetish. Unless I’m putting on a sex show. Hello! But as a self-respecting man I could not pass up on getting laid just because we had to do it outside.

We fucked doggy-style on the concrete next to the garbage cans - urban nature! - and it was probably appropriate since the bitch didn’t blow me. But, oomph, was she wet. Several things are whispering in the back of my mind: What if someone comes…what if the curtains move…maybe some jerk is capturing this on camera phone…why wasn’t garbage pick-up yesterday???? My tired dick got its fourth wind real quick…no thanks to her non blow-job. We were like dogs humping in the alley. She came without announcing it save for the quivering spasms of her body. Her pussy suddenly felt like a boy’s mouth. Omg, does that make me a fag?! Me? I didn’t bother with trying to cum and it was a good thing, too. No sooner had I tossed the condom and we straightened ourselves out did a man round the corner. He halted, visibly startled to see people. “Buenas noches,” we all exchanged and I made a show of having forgotten my cigarettes.

Whew! Good thing he caught us on our feet.     

  

No means No (Vallarta)

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You need a tour guide for gay bar-hopping in Puerto Vallarta like you need Desperate Housewives to confirm your sexuality; if you just love the show, then - surprise, surprise - it’s little wonder why. Gay bars are all over Viejo Vallarta (Old Vallarta aka Historic area). Spit and its likely the saliva will land beneath a fag flag. Yet some enterprising pup has started a bar-hopping venture (if you market gay toothpaste “proud” morons will buy it) and I hope it fails. Why? Because he got me fired.   

I nearly snatched the camera from him and shouted, No means no, asshole!

No is Greek in Mexico. Mexicans seem to have never heard the word before. So when the fellow came into the dimly lighted strip bar where I was working the pole and asked for a picture he didn’t seriously regard my “No pictures please” and snapped the shot anyway. And laughed. As he persisted in trying to take more pictures I nearly snatched the camera from him and shouted, No means no, asshole! Then the faggot flips. Mexican queen. Oh how the he-she went on about being a friend of the owner, fat Peter Deep (impossibly real name) and having license to take my pictures as he pleased. What you name, what you name!, he kept chirping. Me llamo Fuck You. So he cried and ranted into his iphone about "el pinche negro" (fucking nigger) and the following afternoon I got the text msg that I was out of a job.

Who takes pictures in a strip bar (sauna/locker room/brothel/cruising area/bathroom/make-out spot/cinema, etc.)?! Rude and uneducated jerks, that's who. It’s called r-e-s-p-e-c-t. Some peoples have no education…no matter how much they bellyache about being “Americans”. (Reality check to Latin American nations: Mexico is NOT America or Canada. Mexico is all Mexico.) 

The customer who was under my 9” spell at the time of candid camera queen inched his way back to the stage and said, “Good for you Troy for standing up for yourself.” He even went to bat for me with the bar manager (to no avail). Minutes before the disruption said customer had asked me if I was having fun? Can’t say that I get that question often but I remembered smiling and answering in the affirmative, “Yes. I love my life. I like doing this.” And I do. And then came the tip. And then came the little bitch to spoil the fun and got me fired.

Who takes pictures in a strip bar?! Some peoples have no education...

So fuck Gay Vallarta Bar-Hopping or, as I like to say, No! You can find the fags on Facebook.

Bartourvallarta@hotmail.com

Lipstick stain

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 (click on image for cool effect)

M.I.L.F. Freak. Allow me to elaborate.

Was taking a stroll because I often can't get to sleep. Depending on the city sometimes I find trouble along the way. I was walking pass the various clubs and cantinas when I see a bouncing, blond beaut up ahead. There was her and another blond woman - both mature women but still with the fire to make a 19 year old pop a woody...id est, M.I.L.F.s - smug in their care-free security among homosexual men (clearly fag hags?) and this group was directly in my path.

A fellow stripper was standing outside and he and I chatted. While the group of fags/fag hags deliberated over entering the bar or not, Blondie took a drunken shine to the Mexican stripper - short like me - and I overheard her say something about licking puss. That's when I said, "No, YOUR friends need to know about licking puss." What?! gasped she and a very tall, very blond man. (Note: I know what it sounds like but, no, the rest of the bunch were dark haired.) I repeated myself and they both laughed. 

Now homegirl squeezes on me - bye-bye short Mexican stripper! - and launches into a wild story about dancing up the block with a street pole where, then, an old man comes over with a mop. Wet! I growled. "YOU get that, right? You know he wasn't mopping up sweat!" She laughs her ass off and I make like I'm going to lick her juicy ass titties right there. I also hold her tighter because I likes the feel of those puppies pushing against me...and because she might've fallen down otherwise. Blondie was three-sheets-to-the-wind yet the bulging roundies cresting from her strapless black dress (classy freak) were more important. I hate hugs but one makes exceptions."C'mon let's go in," she shouts, linking her arm in mine. "Guys let's go in here. Whoo!" Indeed. She reminded me of a non-virtual Nina Hartley: mature, blond, ample apple round breasts, and still very doable.

Inside the bar Blondie was even crazier and Tall Blond kept reprimanding her to behave...when he was chatting me up. We'd make an odd couple but, apparently, the contrasts turned him on because he kept talking TO me no matter how hard I tried to flirt with her or divert my attention to the main stage. But Tall Blond was no troll: striking blue eyes, distinguished jaw, early 30s, nice skin and über smooth. Competitive swimmer? No, he answered, Laser hair removal. "Everywhere. Everywhere you see," pausing, "including my hole." I thought I used my internal voice but apparently he heard me affirm, "Yum! I love to rim a smooth ass!" Doh!

Long story short: Blondie was becoming a bit too tipsy (drunk girls don't do it for me) and mercurial AND she got lipstick on my shirt. Bitch. Cock-teasing M.I.L.F. bitch. The following morning I went online to learn how to remove lipstick. In the meantime I said good-bye to Tall Blond who also was tipsy but not as tipsy as she and was better company, besides. So I scored no lay; but, boo-hoo, I fucked twice that day already. So I strolled back to my bed musing over M.I.L.F. tits v laser smooth manhole v ...lipstick stain.  

Just one year to go

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If you can't be hot at least be in a hot place. ¡¡Bienvenidos 2011!!