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@Troymission

Tuesday

No means No (Vallarta)

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You need a tour guide for gay bar-hopping in Puerto Vallarta like you need Desperate Housewives to confirm your sexuality; if you just love the show, then - surprise, surprise - it’s little wonder why. Gay bars are all over Viejo Vallarta (Old Vallarta aka Historic area). Spit and its likely the saliva will land beneath a fag flag. Yet some enterprising pup has started a bar-hopping venture (if you market gay toothpaste “proud” morons will buy it) and I hope it fails. Why? Because he got me fired.   
I nearly snatched the camera from him and shouted, No means no, asshole!


No is Greek in Mexico. Mexicans seem to have never heard the word before. So when the fellow came into the dimly lighted strip bar where I was working the pole and asked for a picture he didn’t seriously regard my “No pictures please” and snapped the shot anyway. And laughed. As he persisted in trying to take more pictures I nearly snatched the camera from him and shouted, No means no, asshole! Then the faggot flips. Mexican queen. Oh how the he-she went on about being a friend of the owner, fat Peter Deep (impossibly real name) and having license to take my pictures as he pleased. What you name, what you name!, he kept chirping. Me llamo Fuck You. So he cried and ranted into his iphone about "el pinche negro" (fucking nigger) and the following afternoon I got the text msg that I was out of a job.

Who takes pictures in a strip bar (sauna/locker room/brothel/cruising area/bathroom/make-out spot/cinema, etc.)?! Rude and uneducated jerks, that's who. It’s called r-e-s-p-e-c-t. Some peoples have no education…no matter how much they bellyache about being “Americans”. (Reality check to Latin American nations: Mexico is NOT America or Canada. Mexico is all Mexico.) 

The customer who was under my 9” spell at the time of candid camera queen inched his way back to the stage and said, “Good for you Troy for standing up for yourself.” He even went to bat for me with the bar manager (to no avail). Minutes before the disruption said customer had asked me if I was having fun? Can’t say that I get that question often but I remembered smiling and answering in the affirmative, “Yes. I love my life. I like doing this.” And I do. And then came the tip. And then came the little bitch to spoil the fun and got me fired.

Who takes pictures in a strip bar?! Some peoples have no education...
So fuck Gay Vallarta Bar-Hopping or, as I like to say, No! You can find the fags on Facebook.

Bartourvallarta@hotmail.com


Sunday

Who is "Orange 10" ?

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A mysterious creep on Gayromeo - which has no shortage of mysterious creeps - currently calling himself "orange 10" (7264475) is causing problems for dark-skinned escorts.

And when it comes to dark-skin users Planet Romeo has an atypically faster response time. In under an hour the following occurred: escort's profile was terminated. Below is a snippet shared with me by someone close to the source. Judge for yourself:

Orange 10:Can you send your face pic?
Escort:I want to go out now and I have xxx pictures and there is face pic too.So you can open it.
Orange 10:I`m gonna complain by administrator of PlanetRomeo.



The prick obviously did it and homeboy's escort profile was barred and he was requested to, get this, forward a copy of his passport document. Oh? Not only was the reaction time super quick but the company request, oh,...arbitrary. If passport data is so necessary, then why isn't it required of everyone upfront?? Is Orange 10 an undercover spy for PlanetRomeo and targeting black and brown users?

Racism in Germany? Parish the thought. 

Lipstick stain

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 (click on image for cool effect)

M.I.L.F. Freak. Allow me to elaborate.

Was taking a stroll because I often can't get to sleep. Depending on the city sometimes I find trouble along the way. I was walking pass the various clubs and cantinas when I see a bouncing, blond beaut up ahead. There was her and another blond woman - both mature women but still with the fire to make a 19 year old pop a woody...id est, M.I.L.F.s - smug in their care-free security among homosexual men (clearly fag hags?) and this group was directly in my path.

A fellow stripper was standing outside and he and I chatted. While the group of fags/fag hags deliberated over entering the bar or not, Blondie took a drunken shine to the Mexican stripper - short like me - and I overheard her say something about licking puss. That's when I said, "No, YOUR friends need to know about licking puss." What?! gasped she and a very tall, very blond man. (Note: I know what it sounds like but, no, the rest of the bunch were dark haired.) I repeated myself and they both laughed. 

Now homegirl squeezes on me - bye-bye short Mexican stripper! - and launches into a wild story about dancing up the block with a street pole where, then, an old man comes over with a mop. Wet! I growled. "YOU get that, right? You know he wasn't mopping up sweat!" She laughs her ass off and I make like I'm going to lick her juicy ass titties right there. I also hold her tighter because I likes the feel of those puppies pushing against me...and because she might've fallen down otherwise. Blondie was three-sheets-to-the-wind yet the bulging roundies cresting from her strapless black dress (classy freak) were more important. I hate hugs but one makes exceptions."C'mon let's go in," she shouts, linking her arm in mine. "Guys let's go in here. Whoo!" Indeed. She reminded me of a non-virtual Nina Hartley: mature, blond, ample apple round breasts, and still very doable.

Inside the bar Blondie was even crazier and Tall Blond kept reprimanding her to behave...when he was chatting me up. We'd make an odd couple but, apparently, the contrasts turned him on because he kept talking TO me no matter how hard I tried to flirt with her or divert my attention to the main stage. But Tall Blond was no troll: striking blue eyes, distinguished jaw, early 30s, nice skin and über smooth. Competitive swimmer? No, he answered, Laser hair removal. "Everywhere. Everywhere you see," pausing, "including my hole." I thought I used my internal voice but apparently he heard me affirm, "Yum! I love to rim a smooth ass!" Doh!



Long story short: Blondie was becoming a bit too tipsy (drunk girls don't do it for me) and mercurial AND she got lipstick on my shirt. Bitch. Cock-teasing M.I.L.F. bitch. The following morning I went online to learn how to remove lipstick. In the meantime I said good-bye to Tall Blond who also was tipsy but not as tipsy as she and was better company, besides. So I scored no lay; but, boo-hoo, I fucked twice that day already. So I strolled back to my bed musing over M.I.L.F. tits v laser smooth manhole v ...lipstick stain.  

Sunday

Just one year to go

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If you can't be hot at least be in a hot place. ¡¡Bienvenidos 2011!!