-
I had the most stirring dream last night. Not strange or weird in any unreal sense because all dreams are 'strange' in their credible distortion of time, travel, and chronology; nor was the immediate waking to Reality marked by a residue of Fear, cold sweat, eeriness, regret or jubilation. Instead I felt calm -- and proud.
I'm in a shopping mall when I pass someone I know from the Industry. I acknowledge him with a subdued yet friendly greeting. He rebuffs me. I'm not a squeaker, he sneers. A squeaker? I wonder aloud. What's that? Sm'body who fucks boy ass, he clarifies pointedly and to the amusement of his friends. But for their ridiculous laughter do I notice them: a gaggle of girls with an alpha bitch sidling up to him; the girlfriend. And like a woman, she opens her mouth when she shouldn't, intent on adding insult to injury. Yeah, comes her unsolicited input as they glide up the escalator, he don't fuck boys and girls together. More ridiculous laughter at my expense. I fire back: Not 'together' because a fat cow like you wouldn't agree to it; but he certainly fucks both in the same week! Silence. I walk out of the building and into Consciousness.
One of the irritating things about that encounter involves the projected - i.e., shared - delusions from the unnecessary lies we tell ourselves. They both knew the score - I'm sure the bitch wasn't THAT oblivious - but rather than grin and nod they opted instead to play me. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Unless I'm holding a ticket stub to see you playact don't share your fucking delusions with me.
I'm both confused and disturbed by this.
ReplyDeleteIt seems you're treating this dream as if it actually happened, excoriating the people in it for being delusional assholes when I can't see that they deserve to be characterized according to a dream.
Then there's your stereotyping of women. I don't disagree that there are alpha bitches, but saying that all women open their mouths when they shouldn't is about on par with the lazy assumptions people have made about you for being a black man and a dark black man at that. I begin to wonder if you get treated that way even now because you have a look about you that says, "Damn it all, I expect to be treated like shit," a "wish" that others, consciously or unconsciously, are only too happy to satisfy.
Still, there's something I like about the structure of this post. You might want to take a look at William Carlos Williams's Kora in Hell.
Please adopt an identity. I cannot shadow box in the dark.
Delete